Memo to the faithful

Evangelicals awaken and harkin yee to the word of His Holiness Jesus and Company:

When the hell did you hear me ask you to give money to someone/anyone saying they represent me? Use your heads, I don’t need money.

When did I ask you to go to church on my day off, Sunday, asking me for this or that? Stop it, you’re wasting both of our time. If you bothered to listen to anything I said, (now pay attention:) go and seek someone in need and help them, do it yourself, DO NOT delegate it to someone else. And another thing, if you want even a prayer (get it, a prayer) of getting into Heaven, take off those crosses and get them out of my sight. I’m not a big fan of crosses.

Now get off your lazy asses and do something good/nice/charitable.

Signed,

God, The Son, The Holy Ghost, Allah, Buddha, The Great White Buffalo, Abraham, Moses

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