Breaking Up

Guys,
Here’s a way break up with your girlfriend without the hassle of answering all of those embarrassing questions.
1. Take a love letter she has written to you (assuming she ever has) and write your breakup note on the back of it.
2. Timing is everything. Wait till she does something nice to/for you, serving you breakfast in bed, getting you medicine and serving you when you’re sick, this is a good one; while she is out getting something for you.
Leave your breakup note on her pillow and skedaddle.
Even though the Teapot is up it’s neck in Hot Water, it continues to sing Llooooooyd

Lessons

I was sitting with a friend chatting about the pros and cons of modern day life. He sat back in his chair, took in a deep breath and stated clearly with conviction in his tone “Consider this”.
I leaned forward,  preparing for the rest of his thought. My mind was racing over possible answers based on our previous conversations. He relaxed as if in a transfixed state of deep thought and leaned back in his chair. His eyes lifted toward the ceiling, staring at a fixed position as if it were relaying some bit of information that was pertinent to the rest of his thought.
In the meantime, I was anxicly awaiting the final chapter of his original statement “Consider this”.
There we were, he comfortably situated in his chair with a fixed stare, me leaning forward, un-relaxed with anticipation driving my scenes. I started observing the details of my surroundings, the wrinkle in his pants just above his shoes, the small piece of lint on the floor next to his chair, the fact that he hadn’t moved in over a minute. My mind started asking questions: why am I here, why do I exist, why am I asking these questions, is he still alive, where do you go when you die, is he already there?
Perhaps the rest of his question or statement or whatever it was that he started to convey so long ago was that I should find out the answer on my own.
Should I lean back as he had done, get more comfortable or would that interrupt the thought pattern I was now in? If I do lean back will I also become complacent and forget the meaning of this encounter? Will I also die?
No, I will not die, nor shall I confirm his exit, I’ll just wait.

Two nickels

I read a story about a man that didn’t have two nickels to rub together. I assumed that if he had those two nickels his life would be better so I gave the next guy I saw with a sign by a freeway exit 2 nickels. He threw them back at me and spit on my car. Hummmmmmm

How Saints are choosen

I guess you don’t know the real story about Saint Patrick,(Patty to his friends). One day a long time ago, Patrick Kennedy, great grandfather of John F. Kennedy, was walking along the road. Suddenly a rabbit fell from the sky and landed on his head, the rabbits head and front feet dangling over poor Patrick’s face. (An Eagle had lost his grip and dropped the rabbit). When Patrick pulled the rabbit off his head, the sight of those bloody bunny eyes staring at him sent him into a screaming rage, as he ran down the road, he tripped and banged his head on a tree, sending him into a bog on the side of the road.
A group of passerby’s ran in and pulled Patrick out and tried to revive him. Because of his condition and the lack of Irish doctors, he was sent to England where he was revived.
The doctors asked him what his name was to asertain his condition. Patrick started shouting that he had gotten rid of all of the snakes in Ireland, he waved his arms about repeating the story of how he lead the snakes into the ocean (clearly delusional) .
A few days later, after he had calmed down, one of the doctors took him home. On the way the Dr. noticed that indeed there were no snakes. He stopped and asked a few children if they had seen and snakes, answer, no.
When the doctor returned to England, he related the story to his priest in hopes of an answer to his mystery. Upon hearing the tale, the priest shouted out, It’s a miracle, It’s a miracle (hoping to get some attention for himself and his parish) and relying on the only answer he had been taught by the church. .
The English press caught wind of the story and made a really big deal of it because news was a bit slow. (at the time there were no wars to cover and they never reported on royal indiscretions, clearly Pre Murdock time ).
A select group of Catholic Priests were sent to Ireland to confirm that indeed there were no snakes on the island. Finding none, they confirmed the miracle and made Patrick a Saint.
Of coarse, no one ever asked the Irish about the snakes, if they had, they would have found out that there never were any snakes on the island, but then again, when else would the Irish get the chance to have a Saint of their own, so no one volunteered the information.
End of story.

Accountability 1% of the time

 

Ask yourself this: Self, how many times could I tell a boldfaced lie to my boss and still be employed? Now ask yourself: Self, how come I allow my employees (all elected persons are your employees) to lie about EVERYTHING and never hold them accountable or MAKE them tell the truth.
What would you do if your car was returned to you at the end of the carwash with nothing more than a hosing and bad wipe??? Would you pay for it, would you tip the guy?
Trust me, you are getting a real hosing and a very bad wipe from your congress and just about every other branch of government. Lets make them accountable.
Those without dreams can never have dreams come true.

Life On Earth

Aliens came to earth and taught us how to build pyramids all over the world except in Sweden. Vikings being Vikings killed the Alien men, raped their women and never learned the pyramid thing. They did however steal a compass and thereby ruled the seas.
Remember: Vampires were once people too lloooooooooyd

Inside Ricky’s head

Look Rick, look how clean I got the pot.
 
Wait till you see what I cooked in my nice clean pot!!!
 
Thank you daddy for making Mommy teach me how to do laundry, I love my daddy Rick
Rick Santorm’s wife’s bible
Junior Cook Book: 1955 Classic Edition
What’s really going on in Rick’s head
Marylin Monroe
Yummmmmmm

As Jesus said while on His way up the hill:  Hey get out of the way, this Cross is heavy, clear a path, clear a path+++++

Those without dreams can never have dreams come true. llooooooooooooyd